coffee cups

steady ka lang...

2009-10-11T07:47:00.001-07:00

you have to be broken, to become whole again...
there are no right or wrong choices... life has a way of correcting itself...
overcome yourself, win the battle within you...
relinquish control, lose it, to gain it...

at times,
life needs to pause,
life needs to be in neutral motion,
so that greater awareness will resurface...

answers to questions aren't forced,
it will arise when you do not resist,

life is real, open your eyes...
to both its beauty and lackluster...

lose it, to gain it...

simula

2009-10-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

a chapter ends....
and a new one....
begins...
fresh...
bold...
light...
joy...
celebrate...
it is not the end of the world...
look into your heart...
search for answers...
it is within you...
you do not need to look further...

brave..
toughen up...
head up...
steady...
stand still...
be still...
silence...
relish it...
for when happiness comes...
it will have a greater magnitude than the pain your nourishing...

look...look...up
take a flight...
travel alone...
discover..NY...
discover yourself...
learn...
stand up...
stand up...
what was lost...
was actually gained...

fear not....
fear not...
fear not yourself...
fear not love...
begin anew...

dasal

2009-08-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

i pray to thee..not for easy, lackadaisical days...not for a facile toil...a facile victory...
i pray to thee that i may share and gave all that is within me...all that i can ever be...

i pray to thee...please be my guide, be my light...as i begin yet another journey...

i may doubt and be overtaken by fear,
anxiety oveflows like that of a coffee froth,
a deluge of thoughts falls from the skies like an avalanche,

but i will remain steadfast, strong and faithful to your word,

i pray to thee,
please be always at my side,

strengthen my spirit,
strengthen my mind,
my body,
that i may inspire...
and ignite a sparkle in other people's lives...

choose

2009-08-07T09:28:00.001-07:00

i choose my thoughts...
i choose how i feel...
i choose what i feel...
i choose to look everything in perspective...in all angles...in all corners...in all edges...

i choose to look away from mistrust,
insecurities,
obscureness,
i choose to fight my demons,
battle them with faith, love, humility, kindness, compassion, benevolence and hope,

i choose to fight my doubts,

i choose to trust myself.

a year and one more

2009-07-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

dreams coming into fruition,
prayers in flight,
prayers fluttering in the skies,
hovering ,
listless,
far and away,
alas alight on
the palm of my hand,

trouble,
trouble,
pain,
downtrodden,
esteem me into being,
raise me to the heavens,
lift,
lift,
lift me up,

keep your head up,
you fighter you,
stop,
don’t stop,
keep on,
walk toward your purpose…
realize,
materialize…

writing to celebrate my second year of stay here in the U.S.

?

2009-07-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

what makes you sad?

a gloomy day
a blackberry under performing
not having your way
home... being so far away from home... 2 years... 3 years...5 years...10 years... you need to go home...one day soon...don't you hope soon comes forth like spring...ushering forth re-birth...flowering...blooming...renewing...life in full bloom...coming in full circle
not eating taho for almost 2 years now
not eating sinigang, lechon paksiw, paksiw na pata... you miss nanay's cooking don't you
davao being so far far far far far far far far far far far far away
not riding a jeepney...forgetting how fun it was to ride and just ride amidst poverty, despite seeing and living a third-world quality of life...
missing home...

gratitude

2009-06-19T19:55:00.000-07:00

i only have gratitude in my heart amidst turmoil, amidst challenges, amidst disappointments, amidst failings, i only have gratitude in my heart...

amidst love, amidst faith, amidst joy, amidst glee, amidst triumphs...

maraming maraming maraming salamat...

happy mada's day!

2009-05-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

i hope there was a daughter's and son's day too...to celebrate how wonderful you are...and that you give life meaning and essence...and that you bring so much joy and glee...and that your angels sent from above...and that you bring peace and calmness to a weary mind and tired body...

i hope there was a daughter's and son's day too...to celebrate your life flowing, progressing, ebbing yet flowing and progressing again...

32

2009-04-19T06:46:00.000-07:00

where have you been all this time?

my life has been a wonderful journey of ups and downs, of great strides and hard work, of failure and glory, of love and family. everything used to be a distant dream, a figment of my imagination. literally, it was 9,302 miles away. yes, that far. striving to sail through it and finally reach the mile end is only just the beginning. henry david thoreau once wrote, "i have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." he brought the truth and reality to the fore. i believe that we must continually endeavor to seek ourselves in the pursuit of our dreams, look within and constantly have an introspection of things that matters the most.

whew!

2009-03-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

breathe...
slow down...
you'll get there...

unos

2008-10-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

open your heart,
open your mind,
open your eyes,
then, you'll know the answer...

nothing is amiss,
everything that you seek,
everything that you need
is within you and around you...

you need not go far,
you need not walk a mile,
nor barricade you from yourself,
nor create a fortress so high only to collapse on top of you,
sit still in silence...

open your heart,
open your mind,
open your eyes,
love is the answer.

=)

2008-09-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

today,
when i woke up,
i came to a realization,
not to allow myself to be defeated, instead,
i will heed and rise above the challenge...
and leave a good mark before i leave to follow the desires of my heart...
to create, to influence, to become an instigator, an initiator....
to affect, to make better, to represent, to commune, to communicate,
to make happen...

... =) .... =( .... =)

2008-09-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

be happy...
with...
or...
without...

3 holes

2008-09-21T05:21:00.000-07:00

self-destruct. self-worth. self-esteem. don't push people away. inadequacy. incompetence. i hate bowling. i loved bowling... right before time was called. let go. brush it off. keep your ground. don't get suck in. expand. expound. explore. surrender & stand apart from your emotions. mirror. what do you see. know you. love you. then, you may begin to love those around you.

random

2008-09-06T07:23:00.001-07:00

i miss home. people in south florida are starting to stack food and gasoline for any untoward event that ike might lash out on the region come monday or tuesday. it is totally different from what i remember back home. tropical depression would mean no school, hot, thick and sweet home made champorado, and lots of t.v. and screaming too as we dance under the rain, tapping our feet in a puddle, melodious laughter resonating in the air. i miss home. i have a lot of responsibilities and work to do now, a part time job in the downtown area keeps me pre-occupied, keeps me alive. i feel blessed. i've been wanting to delve in urban and regional planning. finally, i was given the chance. it was sheer luck and perfect timing, i supposed. i just stepped in the office of the department chair one summer day. told him i'll volunteer and work for free. please use my gray matter for whatever purpose it might serve you. i am pinay, willing to serve and give beyond what is ask of me. free services, sir. free services for me to learn and grow and contribute. no, we will pay you. we have a problem. we need someone to teach planning to college juniors. are you up for the job? pretty amazing, huh? you didn't quite expect it. you got the job right off the street. overwhelmed and dizzy from disbelief, i was without any thought for a few seconds. yes, i am up for it. i miss home. when can i ever taste sinigang or walk to merco's with z, ayn, lexi and sheng to buy selecta's cookies and cream. went and dined with andrew in several restaurants around the area. good conversations, you-always-warm my heart company, delicious food (wish you were here guys to share those special and not so special moments too), unfamiliar ambience, great service. i am blessed. i couldn't ask for anything more. i miss home. i hope soon will come tomorrow.

2008-08-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

be happy.

i am giving myself the chance

2008-07-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

to love...
and be love...

i miss you, Z...

2008-07-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

tomorrow will signal a year away from my family...
and, i am aching... that i couldn't write and put my thoughts together...

i miss you, darling...

i'll come home to you soon...

i love you, Z...with all of my heart, mind and soul.

liham

2008-07-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

dearest zaila,

i went to the library today. my spot is usually at the second floor, in a table, a minuscule of an inch away from an all glass wall. that luxurious spot offers a good view of university drive. it's bright and lovely outside. the natural light that streaks through the glass pane aids my eyes in reading. they couldn't focus as good as the year that passed. mama needs a new pair of eyeglasses.

as i walked up the stairs, my feet suddenly stopped and demanded that i sit in an empty table in the kids section a couple of feet away.

as i sat amidst the stuff toys, children's literature, my heart ached for you. a week ago, you told me you just finished reading charlotte's web and you got bored reading the chronicles of narnia and that you missed prince caspian at the movies and get smart too. and i told you about the sequel to madagascar. i remembered we had a lot of fun watching the first installment in sm davao. it never came to me that dreamworks will create a follow up to it.

i browsed through all the leaves of the children's books my hands could get hold of. all i can think of was you. the joy of you. the life of you.

then, an image came, a vision flashed.

you, sitting right across me, devouring the hobbit or probably you'll ask me for a pen and a paper so that you can write another short story. i'm guessing the title would be badminton super girl.

now, i'm in barnes and noble. mama has to stopped reading about urban sprawl for a minute because her eyes are already complaining. the words in a page seemed to polarize into one big, black dot.

totally unlike our future. the future will be something definite, coherent and tangible.

i love you, zaila.

love and prayers,

mama

s.h.a.w.t.y.

2008-07-10T05:42:00.000-07:00

S aw a
H andsome young lad
A t church today
W anting to catch his attention
T urned around to meet his gaze
Y es, that was the beginning of something unexpected,
something beautiful,
something that makes the heart smile...

elixir

2008-06-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

you drank too much
that you forgot about forgetting your past
does the pain still hunt you like ghost
11 years has passed
why do you struggle
why do you fight something that has been long surpassed
why do you carry a knife and strike your self with it

words flowed like river out of your mouth
ravaging waters, the current so strong that you almost drowned
but they pulled you through
he pulled you through

shine a light on her shine a light on me
shine a light on the inside shine a light on the outside

see

2008-06-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

i see red, i see blue, i see green, i see white, i see black, i see gray, i see auburn
i see you,
tangible,
close,
near, far
open,
near, far
tomorrow's 24 hours away,
i see you,
i see today...

frail

2008-05-02T17:08:00.000-07:00

frailty, is thy name woman?
will you shatter like glass?
will you take it to heart,
every word,
every misgivings?
do you know you're beautiful?

frailty, is thy name woman?
would you like to be buried standing up,
because you spent your whole life kneeling?
do you know your strengths?

frailty, is thy name woman?
will you live up to your fullest potential
or will you let gloom cast a shadow of doubt,
and reigneth over your heart?
do you know you're a warrior?

frailty, is thy name woman?
do you know yourself so as not to seek validation or approval?
do you know the "i" in you?

alone time

2008-04-04T14:36:00.000-07:00

pitong oras ang ginugol ko ngayon sa barnes and noble. naisip kong basahin na lamang doon ang mga librong pupukaw sa aking diwa, ang mga librong maaring maging gabay ko sa patuloy na paglalayag sa buhay. kesa bilhin ko ang mga ito at gumastos pa, sasalampak na lang ako sa sahig. bukod dun pwede ko pang gawin ang mga yoga moves na natutunan ko kay rainbeau mars.

ang love affair ko sa pagbabasa ng mga libro lalo na ang mga nobela ay nag umpisa noong 21 ako. sa madaling salita, late bloomer ako pag-dating sa pagka-humaling sa libro. meron kasi akong pinsan na mahilig mag mountaineering. minsan pumunta sya sa bahay na tinutuluyan ko noon sa project 6 at iniwan nya ang kanyang mountaineering bag sa aking kuarto. nang buksan ko ito, sari-saring mga libro ang bumulaga sa akin. nandun ang nobela ni john updike na ang pamagat ay rabbit redux, ang atlas shrugged ni ayn rand at marami pang iba. dahil wala na akong magawa at nagsawa na ko sa kakapanood ng ally mcbeal binasa ko ang mga ito at doon na nag umpisang lahat ang pagkahalina ko sa mga pahinang nagsimulang kumitil sa paghawak ko ng remote control gabi-gabi.

gusto ko sana na lumagi pa ng mas matagal sa barnes and noble ang kaso kailangan ang skedyul ko ay swak sa skedyul ng bus 34. sabi nila ang kotse daw rito ay parang inuming tubig na sadyang mahalaga upang ikaw ay maging "mobile". di gaya sa atin, ang daming moda ng transportasyon. may jeepney, pedikab, tricycle, habal-habal, trisikad at kung ano-ano pa. di nakakapagtaka na pinoy ang isa sa mga nag design ng moonwalker (tama nga ba ang impormasyon ko, kailangan ko atang i-chikka text ang kuya ko para makasigurado).

nais ko pa lang ibahagi ang ilan sa mga natutunan ko sa araw na ito ------>

From Preface to the Leaves of Grass
Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul and your every flesh shall be a great poem. -Walt Whitman

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken,
I want to free what waits within me so that no one has dared to wish for may for once spring clear without my contriving.
If this is arrogant, God, forgive me, but this is what i need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning, I will sing to you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels into the open sea.
~Rainer Maria Rilke

Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find is simply by spinning a penny.

No- not so that chance shall decide the affair while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping.
~ Piet Hein

No, no, you're not thinking, you are just being logical. ~ Neils Bohr

salamat

2008-04-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

thank you for this wonderful wonderful universe...
thank you for infinite possibilities...
thank you for friends from all over the world..
thank you for friends near and far...
thank you for thy graces and blessings that abound...
thank you for my daughter's laughter so contagious i wouldn't have the time to sulk...
thank you for her life...
thank you for z... thank you for z...
thank you for a drizzle on a sunny morning...
thank you for changes...
thank you for challenges...
thank you for love...
thank your for a future that are largesses of new adventures and opportunities...
thank you for long talks over the phone...
thank you for connection...
thank you for someone i have known since i was thirteen and still continues to make a difference in my life...
thank you for a healthy breakfast...
thank you for a magnificent view by my window...
thank you for "thank you"...