3 buwan

magta-talong buwan na pala ako dito bukas. ang bilis talaga ng panahon. dati rati pinapangarap ko pa lang na makarating dito. kaya ko nga sinumulan ang pagba-blog noong nakaraang taon dahil ito ang naging outlet ko sa lahat ng mga hirap at pagsubok na dinanas ko maisakatuparan lamang ang pangarap kong mabigyan ng magandang kinabukasan ang aking pamilya.

naalala ko pa ang mga panahong kailangan kong gumising ng madaling araw upang matawagan lang ang mga ahensya at eskwelahan na maaaring makapagbigay ng trabaho sa akin. minsan pa nga sa opisina ako natutulog para maisaayos ang lahat.

iba talaga ang pakiramdam pag ang isang bagay na minimithi mo ay pinaghihirapan mo at nakamtan mo.

ngunit sa isang banda, marami akong sakripisyong kailangang gawin. marami din akong mga realizations. halimbawa na lamang ng pag-sakay ng dyip. di ko akalaing mami-miss ko ang pagbigkas ng "para" o kaya "lugar lang 'nong". hina-hanap hanap ko ang therapeutic effect ng pagsakay ng dyip kahit pa ba nakakalanghap ako ng maitim na usok. nami-miss ko din ang paki kipag patintero sa mga dambuhalang bus, dyip, at kotse habang tumatawid ng kalsada. ang pag-uwi bandang hapon, habang binabaybay ko ang daan patungo sa aming tahanan...ang dahan-dahang pag-bukas ng aming gate at pintuan...at tatambad sa aking paningin ang mga bata na nanonood ng TV o kaya ay gumagawa ng kanilang assignment...at isa isang tatakbo patungo sa akin..dala ang pasalubong na yakap at halik...at ang davao sa kabuuan nito, sadyang walang hihigit sa tahanang kinagisnan mo kahit pa man salat ito sa materyal na karangyaan.

hina-hanap hanap ko ang gayak at saya ng aking kinagisnan...

nakaka-miss... sobra...

closer

closer,
skin to skin,
hearing you breathe,
seeing you smile again,
as you raise my hand to your lips,

driving,
in the dark of the night,
beside you,
being with you
is
home to me.

my fortune cookie reads...

"It's one of those low-key days that you'd rather spend just chilling."

i thank God for sundays,
for friends who is always afoot,
always discovering new places and takes you along with her,
in a day that is serendipitously made,
unplanned and deeply desired,

i thank God for a time of worship and prayers,
for community,
for shaking hands as each one says "may peace be with you",

i thank God for coffee shops, for bookshops,
for free reading and browsing,
as i try to look for answers,
and re-discover what i knew all this time,
but always seem to forget,

i thank God for perfect timing,
just in time for the bus,
just in time for the trip home,
just in time to do another load of my laundry,

i thank God for a free time...

i thank God.

what today looks like...and tomorrow... and the day after that...

gypsy

she's never been out of her country before. however, she traveled locally. her country has three main islands, she laid foot on each one of them. on her journeys, she seemed to be always half-asleep, zombie-like could be the best description for it. sometimes, she wakes up in the morning not knowing which province or city she's in. disoriented. again, zombie-like.

she has a mole on her feet. once, a superstitious old woman whom she met at a park saw it. "yours is the north", said she. corazon did not understand it until she was flying over the mountains of california. gasping and merry in wonderment while she looks at the window of the airplane, she muttered to herself, "true north".

libro

these books landed on my lap serendipitously. now if only i can send a sudden jolt right through the core of my insistence to resist to write, then, that would be the day.

do you still know who you were?

what were you thinking?

do you still know who you were? who you are? do you still recognize those hands that labored from early morning 'til late night? callouses overgrown, a rough patch in your hands - which reminded you of how hard it was to be far away from your family, working in a foreign land. success came as a sweet surprise to you. it came early, very early in fact that you felt king of the world when you were 32. you were king, your family adores you. and now, you say to yourself, "i am worthless." can you be compared to a beggar out on the streets asking for money? or is it really money that can quench your parched soul?

stop. look at yourself in the mirror. where have you gone? when will you come back? stop.