winter winds

and if your strife strikes at your sleep
remember spring swaps snow for leaves
you'll be happy and wholesome again
when the city clears and sun ascends

- mumford & sons

january

i haven't blogged consistently for quite a time now. so, i have committed to blogging at least once a month, chronicling its highlights through photographs.

i took to blogging in 2005. these were my first ever posts "senswal" and "zaila's space". after, 17,968 site visits (this site traffic might be attributed to one post i wrote wherein i mentioned the movie "midnight in paris"), i have come a long way. and, here's where i am now...

i've always loved to bake. i grew up watching my nanay concoct delicious meals and sumptuous desserts. every time she bakes cake, my siblings and i will rally around her to have a taste of the chocolate batter she is preparing, licking our fingers and yum-yummying our way back to the living room to continue watching "super book".

when i came to the united states, the land of plenty, where all ingredients you need are available and accessible, where you have a kitchen that's a haven for cooks and chefs, ironically, i did not bother lifting my fingers to sift flour nor wear an apron to bake. until the day i tried baking red velvet cupcakes with mascarpone frosting and dulce de leche filling. that was the end of my non-chalance.

i have always loved the new yorker . while i was still in the philippines, i used to be content reading articles on-line. my favorite is their fiction section. i will read stories after stories and be taken by how great a writer the author is. where did she came up with that idea? how did he manage to infuse every single thought down to the minutest detail in his mind and make a story out of it so fluidly? now, i have my one year subscription of the new yorker courtesy of my first year highschool seatmate :)

i'm currently teaching in an awesome school. our students are amazing. sometimes, you will find your self hear someone screaming from the field uttering the words "miss, i love you!!!!". sometimes, kids will gang up around you to give you a group hug. they will open doors or carry books for you. then, when you assign essays you will be astounded with how much they have grown... they will even teach you a thing or two. when they take their next test they will become the top scorers when a few months back they were struggling. when you tutor them they will ask what your name is because they like how you teach them, wishing they will have you back once the next tutoring session comes. i am content. i am very happy with what i do. but, i dream of something else. i want to pursue the dictates of my heart. i know god will answer my prayers when he deems for it to be ripe. i am ready to move my cheese.

hibiscus sinensis (its scientific name i've learned in my botany class during college which i flunked the first time) or popularly known as gumamela in the philippines. when we were little, we used to make soap bubbles using tide powder and gumamela. we would crush the flowers using stone and then use its stem with a looped end to blow bubbles. beautiful childhood memories. hereon, i look forward to making fresh, new memories with my family. it's almost 5 years since i last saw them. i dream of moments full of love. laughter. durian. fine, white sand beach. sun-burnt skin. rosy cheeks. hugs. paksiw na pata. mt. apo. zaila. ayn. isabela. home.

finally, i will leave you with this. thank you. salamat.

bagong pag-asa

"we are God's dream, and he...ours."

this has been a wonderful year filled with blessings and answered prayers. it was not devoid of struggles, trials and pain which made it all the more beautiful & meaningful. it was filled with wonderful surprises, mouth-gasping moments, interesting places, AHA moments... and the realization that life is so full of love, magnificence, promise & possibilities if we allow it to be...

thank you... thank you... more please...

quote

i read this quote from a friend's status. it is so powerful.

do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. check your road and the nature of your battle.

the world you desired can be won. it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

1,460 days

1,460 days ago, i landed in san francisco. received warmly and lovingly by my family in vallejo. little did i know that a whole different and much more challenging world awaits me. i was a little fish in a big pond. and drown i did, big time! the american dream was not something i perceived it to be. indeed, it was the land of milk and honey. full of promises and endless opportunities, but, it can be very harsh and distant and cold at times. it will test, time and again, what you are truly made of... if you can withstand failures, disappointments and struggles...if you can survive your very own...self.

i experienced to hit rock bottom. i am not alone in that aspect. everyone of us have mountains to climb. oceans upon oceans to cross...and we always manage to bounce back and rise gracefully with the help of the people around us...our family... our friends...faith...hope...perseverance...love....God...

amidst all of these, it has been a worthwhile and blessed journey. i met great and amazing people. there was a time when i walked in a director's office of a university, with a resume in hand, i asked him if i can work in his department for free. i told him, i just wanted to learn more about urban and regional planning. its dynamics, how it works in this part of the world. and, what he gave me was an opportunity that changed my life forever. i landed a job, instead. i became an adjunct professor. i learned so many things that i carry with me. i know it will served me really well and prepare me for what is to come.

i am thankful for these 1,460 days...i am grateful...i gave praise to thee...

thank you...more please...

3 things i look forward to :)

the tao of pooh

how can you get very far,
if you don't know who you are?
how can you do what you ought,
if you don't know what you've got?
and if you don't know which to do
of all the things in front of you,
then what you'll have when you are through
is just a mess without a clue
of all the best that can come true
if you know What and Which and Who.

quotes inspired by "midnight in paris"

in the beginning of the movie, the camera spanned and soaked itself to the beauty and grandeur known as paris. owen wilson's character was a defeatist & somewhat weak until he was transported back to the jazz age...the 1920's. therein, he found himself in the same universe as ernest hemingway, gertrude stein, t.s. eliot, scott fitzgerald, salvador dali, pablo picasso... great minds, great thinkers of their time whose works, paintings and writings made its way to our time. watching the movie is like sitting in barnes and noble, sipping cafe mocha and looking at the images of writers and artist on the wall...and that is so rad...


here are some quotes i googled inspired by the movie "midnight in paris":


if you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.
ernest hemingway

everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something. gertrude stein

genius is the ability to put into effect what is on your mind.
f. scott fitzgerald

nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.
zelda fitzgerald

only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
t. s. eliot

inspiration exists, but it has to find us working.
pablo picasso

at the age of six i wanted to be a cook. at seven i wanted to be napoleon. and my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.
salvador dali

we are adhering to life now with our last muscle - the heart.
djuna barnes

beautiful? it's all a question of luck. i was born with good legs. as for the rest... beautiful, no. amusing, yes.
josephine baker

age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
luis bunuel

don't put my name on it. these are simply documents i make.
man ray

i don't know whether i believe in god or not. i think, really, i'm some sort of buddhist. but the essential thing is to put oneself in a frame of mind which is close to that of prayer.
henri matisse

good authors, too, who once knew better words now only use four-letter words writing prose... anything goes.
cole porter

food

i've always loved looking at food blogs... i don't know why but looking at those beautifully crafted gourmet food and whatnot captivates me. i can stare at food pictures hours on end. i love to be around the kitchen too and work on a masterpiece.

so, one day i baked an almond crusted salmon which i learned from my roommate and i decided to upload it in a website i use to frequent to snoop on what other people are eating. lo and behold! los angeles times approve it and it's one of their featured food today. it is not rocket science to get your picture in their website but it sure made me feel extra happy :)

kulay

maybe we should develop a crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. a happiness weapon. a beauty bomb. and every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. it would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. floating down to earth - boxes of crayolas. and we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. with silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. and people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination. ~robert fulghum

life and vibrance jumps out of a box of crayons. the colors may symbolize your mood, the seasons and how you view yourself and the world around you. it symbolizes life itself. yellow is sunshine and joy. it spreads warmth and comfort all around us. green is nature and good luck, while, red can show a range of conflicting emotions. blue is calming and white symbolizes peace and purity. orange is vibrant. each color represents a wide spectrum of ideals and can be associated with our thoughts and feelings.

color is all around us. it gives our lives more meaning. it’s a splendid world we are living in! thanks to the colors of a rainbow. thanks to a bluish-greenish sea that is so inviting. thanks to the color of the sunset that rouses our imagination. thanks to sunshine that gives us hope. thanks to a white sand that always enthralls the child in us.

and so, like a box of crayons, i want to bring joy and happiness! (pang ms. universe ang linyang ito) if can choose a color to symbolize who i am, i will pick none because i want a combination of every color there is that will help spread joy and happiness to those people around me. i’d rather be a blend of every color and every hue, with that i can “paint “ and become every good things possible just like a rainbow.

photo by Z